The Start of the new stage of my life has taken affect. I'm going to be looking for answers to questions I do not know of yet. I have the usual ones picked out already. The 'who am I', 'why am I here' and a whole life evaluation, which I haven't thought through yet.
I am in need of quiet time for reflecting on things. Time where I do not get disturbed, distracted, interupted, stressed or intruded upon. What I need to reflect upon is where I feel I am going to stumble down a bit. Do I need to write down my query on a piece of paper and let God dish out my answer when he so chooses? Or do I just keep thinking of the question hoping for the penny to drop?
My whole life evaluation seems to be upsetting me in some places. Do I want to be in this relationship now? Do I really feel 100% confident in what I'm doing? There are some things which I feel if even question them, the will cave in and I'll stop doing it. These are things I deem necessary to my existance, like my education. Do I continue in my sport because some of the individuals are (subconciously) against what I believe the sport to be about? Diligence, integrity and self control, some of these qualities are abscent in members of the club I go to. And it is having it's affect on me...
I was told not to search for the answer. I was advised to let the answer come to me. This shit isn't easy, I tell you that much. With that bit of advice I will just have to go along in life without thinking of my questions and then realise the answer long after it happened. Or I may even be thinking of the question whilst I see the answer in front of me. Or I may see the answer then see that it is what it is I have been looking for. I was told about the cave I need to go into. It is the cave of my innner self, the darkness, the blackness of the un-explored self, the area of me I do not know very well. I have a fear of the unknown. But it will have to become my new home within myself.
All I can hope is that what that darkened section of myself brings me positive results and realizations. but I will not get the answer when I search for it. I just have to sit in that dark cave of the new Master and wait, wait, wait.....
About Me?
- Cian Ó Laoghaire
- An ex-Leaving Cert student, thanks be to the man above, who believes that opportunity presents it for a reason. Who enjoys the little things in life, like a suggestive shadow, an occasional treat or even a mischievious misprint on a sign. A person who, at the beginning of this blog, is in the foggy region between secondary school and college running around blindy, arms flailing about and loving it. A person who can tend to blurt out statements without any bit of tact at all, and get away with it. And finally a person who thinks deeply about stuff and still doesn't get any further....
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